


Extra Slice

by AClever_Username



Series: gbbo au [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - The Great British Bake Off Fusion, Fluff, Humour, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Soft soft shit, The Great British Bake Off References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AClever_Username/pseuds/AClever_Username
Summary: The extra slice team discuss Crowley and Aziraphale's time in the tent.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: gbbo au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737226
Comments: 32
Kudos: 112
Collections: Good Omens Human AUs, Ixnael’s Recommendations, Ixnael’s SFW corner





	Extra Slice

“Welcome to _An Extra Slice!”_

The audience cheered as Jo introduced her guests; _ahh-ed_ appropriately at the unfortunate first baker to go only to promptly break into even more raucous applause when told they would be back at the end of the show, really getting into the spirit of a pantomime audience. They thrust stands and trays and old shortbread tins from M&S (the one with the deer on it, surrounded by tartan/snow/highland heather) stuffed full of fairy cakes and _very_ suspect looking fondant icing into the air at the call _‘show us your bakes!’_ The state of some of them suggested they should’ve stayed hidden.

The noise died down, and Jo turned to the panel.

“This first week we said hello to a fresh batch of bakers,” she drawled, sounding about as thrilled as she always did. The forgotten fish finger frozen solid to the back of the bottom-most draw in your freezer had more life.

A group picture that was mostly apron flashed up on the screen. Jo shuffled her cards in her hands.

“So, to jump in to it - what are we all thinking about Crowley?”

The group picture changed to Crowley’s solo shot, his hands tucked awkwardly in the front pockets of his apron, wearing a smile that looked like a gun was being held to his temple.

Panel Guest Of The Week 1 sat up in their seat.

“I love his aesthetic – and it’s clear he can bake too!”

“Oh _absolutely,”_ chimed in Panel Guest Of The Week 2, “it was all so _precise.”_

“Yeah – you could cut yourself on the edges of that cake,” murmured Panel Guest Of The Week the Third.

“Anyone’s favourite then?” Jo asked.

“’M gonna go out on a limb and say yeah. It looks like he’s regretting he signed up to the show the entire time, it’s great,” said Panel Guest 1, grinning and leaning back in their seat to murmurs of approval from the crowd.

Jo nodded sagely; turned to Panel Guest 2. “How about you?”

Panel Guest 3 leaned out of the way of wildly gesticulating hands. “See I’ve got two favourite’s at the moment – Anathema because her whole vibe is everything I wish I was, and Aziraphale, because the cake he made looked absolutely heavenly!”

The murmurs of agreement grew stronger. The crowd was a sea of nodding dogs. On screen, Crowley’s picture flicked to Aziraphale’s. 

“He was very good with the technical too,” pointed out Panel Guest 1.

Panel Guest 3 tried desperately to think of something witty, failed, and stayed silent.

A couple of pre-prepared jokes read straight from the autocue later and they moved onto discussing the other bakers.

“Remember to send in your bakes at home,” Jo called, just before the ad break. “Just to give you a taste – we’ve been given the first failed hedgehog cake of the season.”

The screen flashed. There was an agonised screech from the table.

_“WHY_ do people think TEETH will save it?!”

* * *

The VT clicked back to the studio as Aziraphale finished explaining the technical.

“I love my weekly history lesson from Aziraphale,” said Panel Guest Of The Week 2, “and the occasional gardening tip from Crowley too, actually!”

“Speaking of,” said Jo, “Crowley found an _unusua_ l way to pass the time.”

The clip began to play. Crowley slid his hands into the proving drawer and scowled at the camera in perfect time with the jolly music layered overtop. The audience laughed good-naturedly, a few even granting his antics a couple of claps, only to make a mad lunge for the plastic Tupperware previously balanced on their laps as it was jostled out of place and clattered beneath the seats.

“Inventive!” said Panel Guest 3 as the clip ended.

“The best thing about it actually,” said Panel Guest 1, leaning forward a little in their seat and accidentally cutting Jo off from the conversation. She couldn’t seem less bothered. “…Was the little exchange with Aziraphale, I dunno whether you caught it.”

Nodding at someone in the wings Jo directed the guests to the screen. “Hang on - roll VT.”

Crowley, still perched on the floor, and of course _incredibly indisposed without a spare moment on his (very warm) hands at all _mouthed ‘busy’ at a betrayed looking Aziraphale.

“Now _that’s_ Bake-off content!” crowed Panel Guest 3. “Great British menu who?”

* * *

“Now,” began Jo, looking grave (or perhaps she was ecstatic- who could tell), “we _have_ to talk about Newt.”

The collective groan from the audience rung through the room. There were a few mutters of _‘such a shame – gone too soon’,_ as if the man himself wasn’t huddled a flimsy bit of drywall set away, ready to tell the world (or at least, Channel 4 viewers. Channel 4 viewers who enjoyed baking shows. Channel 4 viewers who enjoyed baking show _extra content)_ why _exactly_ he’d named his car.

Panel Guest Of The Week 1 shook their head. “He was _not_ having a good day. His mousse looked like a melted Mr Blobby!”

“Anybody asked the Teletubbies if they’re missing any tubby custard?” said Panel Guest 3, incredibly proud of themselves. (They’d thought of that in the shower).

Panel Guest 2, still licking icing from their fingers after trying an audience bake (sardine and cinnamon was NOT the next internet sensation) put a hand (and a fair bit of icing they’d yet to get to) to their chest. “I felt so _bad_ watching it happen – I’m glad Crowley and Aziraphale came over to help.”

“Yes,” said Jo, adjusting her glasses, “should we take a look at that?”

On the screen, Aziraphale and Crowley lunged for the mould before the clip cut to them ‘cleaning’ (the mousse defied clean up) and helping to salvage what little of Newt’s bake that could be salvaged.

Panel Guest 1 nodded. “They worked as a real team.”

“I like that about Bake-Off; they help each other,” said Panel Guest 2, spotting more fish oil icing on their wrist and beginning to wonder if it was somehow related to the uncleanable mousse.

“Yeah,” agreed Panel Guest 3. “You can see that they’re friends in the tent – it’s nice to see Crowley and Aziraphale getting along – my two favourites!”

Another round of nodding later, icing _finally_ all surreptitiously licked away, Tom Allen began absolutely decimating everyone there to present bakes, and also some of the people who weren’t.

* * *

“This week – botany week.”

Laughter from the audience, some of it muffled through sudden attacks of hay fever brought on by the copious shrubbery adorning the set. A nearby florist had clearly had a _very_ good week. Panel Guest Of The Week 3 spoke over the noise.

“Look it’s getting a lot of slack but come on it blessed us with the flower crowns!”

Pictures of the contestants adorned with petals flashed onscreen to a round of _ahh’s_ and several sneezes.

“And I’ll tell you what else this week blessed us with,” continued Panel Guest 3, “Aziraphale’s got a nickname!”

“Yes,” said Jo blandly, “shall we have a look?”

On the screen, behind the departing judges’ backs, Crowley called over _‘hey angel’_ to Aziraphale, and gave him the thumbs up.

The panel guests turned to each other once it ended, Panel Guest 1 gesturing vaguely back toward the blank screen. “I dunno when the hell that started but I gotta say I _love_ it.”

“We did some research,” said Jo, glancing both at her stack of cards _and_ the autocue, “- which means someone did a quick bit of googling – ‘Aziraphale’ is apparently an angel in an obscure bible,”

“Cute!” said Panel Guest 2.

“And _we’re_ not the only ones who think so,” continued Jo, and a second clip started, the ambient noise of the busy tent sounding as Crowley was sent Looks from some of the bakers, raised eyebrows, smirks and winks a-plenty.

Back in the studio, everyone around the table mirrored the Looks to each other suggestively, and continued on to try biscuits that were _meant_ to taste like dandelion but really just tasted like cat piss.

* * *

The theme music had barely ended when Jo neatened her cards on the table.

“Now. The Tart.”

The panel recoiled violently; to the sounds of their own _‘ooh’s’_ audience members winced harshly enough to give themselves wrinkles. Or at least half of them did, the other half laughed as though they were several glasses deep and just watched a man turn himself into a pickle.

“Ahh that was _painful,”_ enthused Panel Guest 3.

“I literally gasped!”

“I found it _hysterical!”_ said Panel Guest 2, miming a tart skidding along the floor.

“Should we re-live it?” asked Jo, and cut to a tape.

Slow-mo. Violins. A black and white filter with the caption _‘rip’_ – the work of two minutes and an intern that’d _really_ wanted to work on _Friday Night Dinner._

The chuckles died down.

“That wasn’t the _only_ shenanigans going on this week,” said Jo. “I was rummaging around in the tent and found this bit of extra footage.”

Crowley and Aziraphale were standing surveying the damage of one recently departed tart, chatting quietly to each other, Crowley’s every other word obscured by a loud _beep:_

_‘…wasn’t such a stupid-’_

_Beep._

_‘… an absolute-’_

_Beep!_

_‘- a complete-’_

_Beep!!_

_‘a-’ ‘Alright my dear that’s quite enough synonyms.’ ‘You sure? I can keep going? – A monstrous-’_

_Beep!!!_

_‘Crowley!’ ‘A gigantic-’ _

_ BEEP!!! _

They cut back to sniggers and applause. When you’re a live studio audience, EVERYTHING needs applause.

“What I’d give for the background of _that!”_

* * *

“You know it’s warm,” began Panel Guest 1. They’d just been asked to participate in a challenge to pad the time and were still covered in flecks of dough up to their elbows. “-when Crowley deconstructs an outfit.”

“No no the scandal was _Aziraphale!”_ said Panel Guest 2, similarly covered in dough. 

“Well,” said Jo, smirking and not bothering to adjust the shawl as it slid slowly off her shoulder, “Crowley certainly seemed to think so.”

A hastily made low-budget montage began as Aziraphale shed layers – bowtie, and waistcoat, and his top two buttons - interspersed with a slow zoom on Crowley’s heavily flushed face.

_This_ time, the suggestive Looks sent around the studio were worthy of a _Carry On_ film. You could practically hear the _‘oh Matron.’_

* * *

The week of the semi-final prompted serious discussion. ‘Serious’ for Extra Slice meant an entire conversation without innuendo or a baking themed pun, (indeed the words ‘buns’ and ‘baps’ were given a well-deserved reprieve).

“I have to say,” started Panel Guest 1, “I’m so relieved Aziraphale stayed.”

“Me too – it’d be weird to see one without the other,” said Panel Guest 2. “The showstopper saved him.”

“Yes,” Jo agreed, “– and a certain little pep talk.”

They segued to a clip; Crowley’s hands on Aziraphale’s shoulders. There were three different angles of him straightening one tartan bowtie. The clip ended just after the murmur of _‘It won’t be any fun without you._

Panel Guest 3 sniffed. “Pretty sure I embodied the grinch for a minute there – my heart grew three sizes.”

“I’m really rooting for them now,” said Panel Guest 1.

“To win?”

“I mean, - that as well,” they said.

* * *

Crowley all but grimaced at the camera as he attempted to avoid the stupidly soft gaze of Aziraphale looking out from the row of bakers sitting at the front of the crowd.

The ‘angel’ counter had just finished. The total made Crowley flush the same colour as his hair (which was far more _flame_ and certainly not _tomato)._ The audience was equal parts chuckling and _‘aww’-_ ing, and some who attempted both at the same time and ended up with a truly _bizarre_ sound.

Crowley hunched his shoulders up even further than he had already instinctively hunched them. If he wasn’t confined to a blasted stool he would’ve curled up in a coil.

_“He_ says ‘My Dear’ just as much!” he cried, pointing over to Aziraphale and trying desperately to shift some of the attention, but all he received was more good-natured laughter. _Damn_ studio audiences. Aziraphale, already having had suffered through his own turn, looked rather smug sitting out of the way and letting Crowley melt. Bastard.

(In Crowley’s opinion, it wasn’t at _all_ fair. Aziraphale’s turn had been shared with the other runner up, so he had escaped the full spotlight. Literally. There was a lamp that seemingly harnessed the power of the very sun trained on Crowley’s face – the sunglasses for once were a sensible decision).

“Seriously,” said Jo, once everyone had calmed, “on behalf of the Great British Bake-Off team – we’re happy for you.”

Crowley saw Aziraphale’s smug look melt to his Soft one, and as they looked at each other Crowley didn’t even want to think about what on earth the cameras were catching on his own face. He knew it wasn’t exactly _‘grumpy goth.’_ He’d have to burn the footage.

“Truly,” Jo continued, when it seemed like the thousandth round of _aww’s_ died away, “well done. Did you have any particular motivation to win?”

Crowley broke away from Aziraphale’s eyes and mumbled under his breath.

“Sorry?”

Crowley shifted.

“There was this plan…”

**Author's Note:**

> I am
> 
> so sorry.
> 
> Long story short I straight wrote this and forgot about it, until a kind comment on the previous fic reminded me (thank you!!). So er - here you go. Incredibly late.
> 
> I know it's short and not the greatest but I hope you liked it regardless. I gave it a quick run through to update a couple of bits and try to catch any errors, but I'm sure I missed some so if you see something you want fixed let me know.
> 
> (Also I didn't realise how low-key savage I was to jo brand oops)


End file.
